Fire Emblem

Fire Emblem ( スライドショー ) is an erotic visual novel singleplayer, because if you play it you are definitely single (unless you count waifus as your partner, in that case you are simply retarded).

Plot
no

Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light
It follows the adventures of Marth, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things, all while his girlfriend Sheeda becomes a slut to recruit every single enemy on the planet. It features great mechanics, such as healers being able to get experience points only by letting enemies attack them. Many playable characters share the same portrait. The game is Japan-exclusive and it's a NES game, so the only way to play it in English is through some high quality fan-made translations. The game was an economic success, selling two copies: one bought by the game's director, Shouzou Kaga, the other one by a mysterious man, Agak Uozuohs.

Fire Emblem: Gaiden
It follows the adventures of Alm, an almost blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things, all while his girlfriend Celica walks around and puts herself in trouble. It starts a trend that would become Shouzou Kaga's style: weird mechanics that only appear in one game coupled with a map design that makes Tic-Tac-Toe feel like a tactical masterpiece in comparison. Insomma, una Kagata. This game sold one copy, bought by the game's director, Shouzou Kaga.

Fire Emblem: Mystery of the Emblem


It follows the adventures of Marth, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things, all while his girlfriend Sheeda becomes a slut to recruit every single enemy on the planet. Again. But this time it's on the SNES, so it's bearable. The game is divided in two parts: Book 1 is a remake of Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light, even though at that point that game was just 4 years old; Book 2 sees Marth dealing with the consequences of a very angry man getting cucked. There is nothing mysterious about the emblem.

Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
In the first half, it follows the adventures of Sigurd, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things. In the second half, it follows the adventures of his son, Seliph, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things. It introduces what would become one of the most important aspects of Fire Emblem: incest. It is a very unique game, as it is the very first fusion between strategy RPGs and walking simulators. Every chapter lasts many months both in-game and in real life. Everyone praises this game because they like watching walking animations repeatedly as they have to move characters back and forth through the same map for many hours.

Fire Emblem: Thracia 776
It follows the adventures of Leaf, a brown-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things; it is a midquel to Genealogy of the Holy War. It is the epitome of the Kaga style: pointless mechanics, RNG-based mechanics, a mechanic called "FUCC", difficulty spikes and many secrets that you can only know by playing the game multiple times or by checking a guide. At least, the maps have a reasonable size this time, so it's playable. For many years, the only way to play this game in English was a patch that only translated some story dialogue, but turned everything else into gibberish. This game sold 0 copies because Leaf's hair isn't blue.

Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade
It is the first Fire Emblem game not directed by Shouzou Kaga; as a consequence, the game's mechanics make sense. It features Roy from Super Smash Bros. Melee as a guest appearance, being the main character of this game; he is somehow even worse here. The real highlights of the game are the characters' names, such as Dick, Balls, Milady, Chad, Barth, Astolfo, Geese, Rude, Monke. The game's plot is "dude, dragons"; Roy travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys who want to use dragons for evil things.

Fire Emblem: Fire Emblem
Fire Emblem is the 7th Fire Emblem game. It is simply called Fire Emblem because it was the first Fire Emblem game to be released in the west, unlike all the previous Fire Emblem games. Even if it's a Fire Emblem game called Fire Emblem, the Fire Emblem itself is irrelevant in Fire Emblem's plot. Fire Emblem is the prequel to Fire Emblem: Binding Blade. Fire Emblem has 3 main characters: Lyn, a girl whose legs are constantly exposed, thus making her a fan-favorite; Eliwood, a redhead dumbass who is the father of Roy from Melee; Hector, who has blue hair. The game is infamous for its writing, having dialogues that are legally forced to include a "..." every 2 sentences. Every Fire Emblem player who wants to look smart talks shit about this game, but in the end everyone likes it. The game's plot is "dude, dragons". Eliwood emotionally abuses a girl and then kills her. Absolute legend. She then resurrects for no reason and they fuck.

Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
It follows the adventures of Eirika and Ephraim, two almost blue-haired anime siblings who like each other a bit too much, as they travel through their country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things. It takes a lot of inspiration from Gaiden, but this time the game is actually good. Unfortunately, it also happens to be the easiest game ever created. Since it can be played in many different ways, Sacred Stones generates heated discussions in the Fire Emblem community to this day, because everyone wants to force their playstyle and opinions on everyone else. The main antagonist is Lyon, a beta male who loved Eirika, but she was too busy slurping on her brother's cock to hear him.

Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance
It follows the adventures of Ike, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things. It is the first Fire Emblem game to feature CG cutscenes, voice acting and 3D models. They are all hilariously bad. It contains the #1 most pointless mechanic in all of Fire Emblem, Biorhythm, which was probably implemented just to take up empty space on the character's informations menu. The Japanese version of the game contains "Maniac Mode", a difficulty in which the game turns into a shotgun and shoots you in the genitals for 40 hours. Path of Radiance's plot deals with themes such as democracy, war, ambition, strength and racism. The problem is that when when talking about racism, real-life minorities are represented by half-animals-half-humans, so I don't know what the game was trying to say. For whatever reason, there's bonuses for having completed the game 15 times.

Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
It takes place some years after Path of Radiance. This time there's a second protagonist, Micaiah, who no one really liked because she was as interesting as a plank of wood; in the following years, her artworks and redesigns gave her an increased breast size, and she is now a beloved character. This game's cutscenes have been memed to hell and back. It contains some of the most useless and irrelevant characters in the series. Radiant Dawn's Hard Mode doesn't even try to be hard, it just removes things such as being able to see the enemy's range. Half of the story is Micaiah being a dumb fuck, the other half is Ike trying to complete what was left unfinished in Path of Radiance. There is a small bird who is actually the goddess of chaos.

Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon
Another remake of Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light. It updates the mechanics of the original to be in line with the newer games. It also adds a lot of new characters, but you can only recruit them if many of your characters die. No one knows whether they like this game or not.

Fire Emblem: New Mystery of the Emblem ~Heroes of Light and Shadow~
A remake of Mystery of the Emblem's book 2. The remake is Japan-exclusive too, so I don't know what their line of thinking was. It keeps the new characters from Shadow Dragon and adds some things to the plot, ruining it in the process, but it's considered as one of the best games in the series. It's the first game to contain a playable avatar for the player, so every character in the game cockstrokes him at every opportunity.

Fire Emblem: Awakening
After years of economic failures, the Fire Emblem series was about to die; Intelligent Systems decided to make one last game, Awakening, which would have been the series's end if it had failed. As such, the studio threw every single thing they could think of into the game: playable avatar, world map, support conversations, marriage, children characters, DLC, being able to recruit characters from the previous games, StreetPass, SpotPass, base conversations, paralogues, reclassing, and, most importantly, girls with big tits. The result was a sandbox disguised as a Fire Emblem game, where virtually every mechanic in the game can be used to trivialise every chapter. The inclusion of a playable avatar, Robin, necessarily turns the game into a harem, where every character exists for the sole purpose of craving the player's genitals. Being very strongly anime-styled, every character only has one gimmick that they keep repeating in an attempt to convince you that it's a personality trait. The story follows the adventures of Chrom, a blue-haired anime swordsman, as he travels through his country to liberate it from evil guys doing evil things. The plot as a whole was created after years of research on how to make the most generic anime plot possible: it includes things such as fate, friendship, time travel, parallel universes, amnesiac characters, "plot twists" and trying to figure out who craves Chrom's/Robin's dick the most. Fate in particular is an important theme: in the latter part of the game, the story feels the need to remind you that you are fighting against it every 5 seconds. Awakening was the first Fire Emblem game to actually be advertised, so people actually bought it; this not only made the series stay alive, but also convinced Intelligent Systems that brainless waifu garbage is exactly what everyone wanted. Awakening includes DLC that let you see some girls in swimsuits or dress them up as brides. The player's avatar, Robin, can marry any of the characters of the opposite sex, adult or not, and have children with them. Some combinations of characters can also marry each other, not necessarily caring about it being incest. All the 3D models for the character lack feet. From a gameplay perspective, Awakening is characterised by flat maps with enemies all over the place, the return of ambush spawns (enemies that act immediately after appearing, thus being completely unpredictable and going against the whole point of a strategy game) and Pair-Up, a mechanic that removes any eventual need to think from the game. Awakening introduces an optional Casual Mode, in which every character that dies simply returns at the end of the chapter, thus making every single thing you do effectively irrelevant. Awakening also includes what is arguably the most bullshit difficulty in the entire series, Lunatic+, in which game-breaking abilities are randomly given to the enemies, with some combinations making the first chapters literally unbeatable in every way. These abilities include, but are not limited to: never missing, always attacking first, making the player's units damage themselves when they attack the enemy, always ignoring half of the player's characters' defense, etc. The fun in the game consists in coming up with new ways to break it each time: Pair-Up, Galeforce, broken children units, the Nosferatu tome, SpotPass characters, grinding, and so on. I have played Awakening for 500 hours.

Fire Emblem: Fates
Garbage in videogame form, literally nothing about this game is good; it takes the bad aspects of Awakening and makes them a hundred times worse, while also removing the fun exploitable mechanics from it. The story of the game is based around the player's avatar, Corrin, choosing between his blood family and the family he grew up with it; both suck. Instead of exploring the two different points of view of the war, one side is just good and the other is just evil. It is eventually revealed that Corrin's blood family isn't actually related to him at all, so the whole foundation of the game's story collapses. EVERY single character treats Corrin as some sort of superior being, even if he is a beta naive dumbass. Corrin can marry and fuck all of his brothers and sisters, plus his cousin. The story is full of plot holes and plot devices that are used once and then forgotten, such as one of the characters suddenly being able to teleport during the story but never doing it ever again. The writing consists of predictable events, terrible dialogues and sexual innuendos with the purpose of trying to distract you from how bad the game is. Each character is a different type of dog vomit, being as one-note as Awakening characters but making it all the more cringe and terrible, and feeling the need to remind Corrin how fantastic he is every 5 minutes. Even if you play from both points of view of the war (to be noted, you need to pay for each of them), nothing is really revealed about the story; to learn about that you need to buy a third path, which costs 20€, called Revelations. Revelations's story is written by the scenario writer of the Senran Kagura games, those games about ninja girls with big tits using techniques that make them lose clothes. The only "revelation" in Revelations is that to get the full story you need to buy more DLC. The story is so disgustingly terrible that it gets ridiculed even by the Fire Emblem community, which just speaks volumes about how bad it really is. The problem is that the story isn't even the worst part of the game: the gameplay is closer to a visual novel than it is to a strategy RPG, as you spend most of the time reading weapons stats and what the enemies' skills do. Most maps have some shitty gimmicks about them that only serve the purpose of slowing everything down and forbidding the player from actually playing the game; Revelations in particular actually manages to have less action than a visual novel, as every single map is either an extremely slow progress or just a waiting game. There's also a minigame where you can pet the characters and touch their sensible parts on the touch screen. Every person with a functioning brain has at least one of Fates's three versions as their most disliked Fire Emblem game, usually Revelations.

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Remake of Gaiden. The game's presentation is extremely well done, the characters are actually interesting and act like humans, for the first time in the series. Even the main characters are good. It introduces dungeon-exploring portions, a load of new mechanics and sidequests. However, it doesn't even try to fix Gaiden's map design, which is the thing that would have benefited the most from a remake. It restored my hope in the series after the absolute shitshow that was Fates.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses
It's called Three Houses but it has 4 different routes. In all of them, the player's avatar, Byleth, acts as a teacher to a group of mentally deranged teenagers and teaches them that killing people is fun and good. In the first part of the game you go through the same exact story in every route; in the second part, which happens after a timeskip, you kill everyone who wasn't your student, because you are the best teacher on the planet. You can also fuck your students or marry Sothis, an imaginary loli dragon girl who is simultaneously a goddess, your mother and you. Some characters are good and most are terrible, but at least this time the player's avatar is mute. Nothing really happens in the story for a big portion of the game. You spend more time managing resources (and doing dumb shit like drinking tea with your students) than actually playing the "strategy" part of the game.

Meccaniche di Gioco
Sesso: il sesso si fa non protetto e col cazzo di fuori che fa ciuf ciuf e splaf splaf e popi popi.

il sesso fa bene e non deve mai essere consensuale o consenziente (altrimenti si chiamerebbe consensesso, no?) ed è la meccanica principale del gioco. Ricordate giocatori di スライドショー, il sesso non esiste nella vita reale e la riproduzione non esiste per voi.

Il giocatore controlla varie pedine, come gli Scacchi o la Dama (solo che con molta più violenza sessuale), e forse avrei dovuto menzionarlo prima del sesso, direte, e vi sbagliate: il sesso è più importante e devi venire e chi dice il contrario è un hater, Fire Emblem è sempre stato un waifu gacha (comunque io non ci ho mai giocato quindi secondo me può pure essere vero (non lo è)).

Parti del Corpo
Comunque le parti del corpo sono:

Testa:
Per via di questa pecca i personaggi di Fire Emblem se la spaccano a vicenda. A causa di questa tradizione infatti scaturiranno gli eventi principali della storia, come la decisione di far sposare Lucina con suo zio e suo figlio con suo nonno nel passato. Inoltre uno dei protagonisti avrà l'occasione di fermare la discendenza incestuosa della sua famiglia o di procreare con la sorella porcellona allevata per violarlo nei modi più sconci ed imbarazzanti, tanto da far dire "che umiliazione pubblica" a Fantozzi riguardo a qualcun altro.

Torso:
Ovviamente ciò è il fulcro del millenario scontro tra i sessi per il dominio sui Torsi, con le donne che tentano di rivendicare i torsi e gli uomini che li strappano alle donne a modo di sfoggiare tale segno di potere sul proprio petto.

Bacino:


Non solo possono essere colpiti o penetrati (sì, perfino il Pene e l'Anca), ma molti personaggi posseggono o possono apprendere mosse speciali in grado di causare più danni e ridurre gli organi in poltiglia (nonsessualmente, Fire Emblem è un gioco molto violento).

Altre Parti Del Corpo Inutili:




Magie
Giuro. Meglio non approfondire tali arti oscure, potresti trovarle rivolte verso di te... ==Note==